we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
