Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
