So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
