There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
