Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
