it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
