man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
