I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to calm my uterus...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
