btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
