I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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