Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
