that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
