Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
