My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
