Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
