I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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