Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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