i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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