people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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