you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
