but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
