so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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