Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
