I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
