So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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