white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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