Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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