it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
