i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
