Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
