Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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