there's paper in my vomit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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