happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
