it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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