sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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