no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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