End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
