Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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