oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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