you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So squirting runs in the family.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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