You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
