I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
