What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
