you turned your livingroom into a bong?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
