Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We need to get me chipped asap
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
