Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
