when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
