if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
