we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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