Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
